330 -Developing Healthy Support Networks
Counselor Toolbox

00:00 / 59:57

Developing Healthy Support Networks
Presented by: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director, AllCEUs
Podcast Host: Counselor Toolbox
~ Define interpersonal effectiveness
~ Identify barriers to interpersonal effectiveness
~ Examine the goals of interpersonal effectiveness
~ Review techniques for improving interpersonal effectiveness

Developing Relationships
~ Relationships are our greatest buffer against stress
~ The first relationship to develop is that with yourself characterized by self-esteem, self-respect and self-compassion.
~ Relationships require attention and a clear awareness of what you want/need/expect from other people and yourself.
~ Make full use of opportunities to interact with others
~ Interact with people who share similar interests and generally respond positively to you.
Interpersonal Effectiveness
~ Interpersonal effectiveness is the ability to
~ Get others to do things you want them to do
~ Get others to take you seriously
~ Effectively say no to unwanted requests
~ Strengthen current relationships
~ Find and build new relationships
~ End hopeless relationships
~ Create and maintain balance
~ Balance acceptance and change
Interpersonal Effectiveness with 7 Habits
~ Be proactive
~ Communicate often and effectively
~ Know what you need and want in life and from others
~ Know what your partner needs**
~ Believe that you deserve what you want
~ Begin with the end in mind
~ What does a good relationship look like?
~ What does it NOT look like?

Interpersonal Effectiveness with 7 Habits
~ Put first things first
~ Prioritize your partner and yourself
~ Don’t sacrifice long term goals for short term relief/urges
~ Think win-win
~ Give up always being right

Interpersonal Effectiveness with 7 Habits
~ Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
~ Be aware of your impact on others
~ Pay attention to transference issues
~ Pay attention with interest and curiosity
~ Avoid assuming what other people think
~ Stop multitasking
~ Stay in the present instead of planning your response
~ Develop good communication skills
~ Be open to new information
~ Let go of judgmental thoughts about others
Interpersonal Effectiveness with 7 Habits
~ Synergize
~ Combine your strengths**
~ Ensure there is give and take
~ Balance your needs and the other person’s needs
~ Sharpen the Saw
~ Dedicate quality time
~ Take time away
~ In order to understand what you and others need and effectively communicate and synergize, it is helpful to understand temperament
~ Environment/Socialization
~ Conceptualization
~ Making Meaning/Values
~ Time Management
~ Are expansive; less passionate
~ Easy to get to know
~ Like meeting new people
~ Would rather figure things out while they are talking
~ Know what is going on around them rather than inside them

~ Are intense and passionate
~ Difficult to get to know
~ Exert effort to meet new people
~ Figure things out before they talk
~ Are more likely to know what is going on inside them

~ Are practical and realistic
~ Prefer facts and live in the real world
~ Would rather do than think
~ Focus on practical, concrete problems
~ See the details and may ignore the big picture
~ Believe “if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it”
~ Are imaginative dreamers
~ Prefer abstraction, inspiration, insights
~ Would rather think than do
~ Focus on complicated abstract problems
~ See the big picture but miss the details
~ Believe anything can be improved

~ Want to apply objective principles
~ Value objectivity above sentiment
~ May think that those who are sentimental take things too personally
~ May argue both sides of an issue for mental stimulation

~ Want to apply values and ethics
~ Value sentiment above objectivity
~ Think that those preferring objectivity are insensitive
~ Prefer a to agree with those around them

~ Plan ahead
~ Thrive on order
~ Maybe hasty in making decisions
~ Time and deadline oriented
~ Thinks those preferring spontaneity are too unpredictable
~ Excellent planners. May not appreciate or make use of things which are not planned or expected
~ Adapt as they go
~ Thrive on spontaneity
~ May fail to make decisions
~ Always think there’s plenty of time
~ Think that those who are not spontaneous are too rigid
~ Good at handling unplanned events, but may not make affective choices among the possibilities.

Communication Skills: DEAR MAN
~ Describe in specific, objective terms
~ Express feelings and opinions using “I” statements
~ Assert
~ Ask for what you want
~ Don’t expect mind reading
~ Reinforce by explaining the benefits to the other person ahead of time
Communication Skills: DEAR MAN
~ Mindfulness
~ Stay focused on your goal
~ Ignore diversion techniques-blaming, magnification, justification or switching topics
~ Appear confident in verbal and nonverbal behavior
~ Negotiate
~ Offer and ask for other solutions
~ Compromise
~ Say no but offer alternatives
Communication Skills-GIVE
~ Gentle—No attacks, threats, manipulation, judging (should, shouldn’t, moralizing), no sneering, smirking, eye rolling, name calling
~ Interested
~ Listen
~ Pay attention to nonverbals (yours and theirs)
~ Maintain eye contact
~ Try to unhook from your emotions

Communication Skills-GIVE
~ Validate
~ Pay attention
~ Reflect back
~ Pay attention to what is not being said
~ Understand how the other person’s reactions and thoughts make sense based on their past and present
~ Acknowledge the valid
~ Show equality treating the other person as an equal not as fragile, incompetent or domineering
~ Easy manner
Finding New Relationships
~ Look for people with similar interests
~ Work on conversational skills
~ Mentally rehearse asking open-ended questions
~ Identify two things you could make small talk about
~ Find common ground: What are your interests?
~ Skillfully self-disclose (be aware of disinhibition)

~ Healthy relationships are vital to a healthy life
~ By becoming interpersonally effective, people can better get their needs met and meet the needs of others
~ The 7 Habits can serve as a reminder for important things to do to build healthy relationships
~ By understanding temperament people can better understand themselves and others and communicate and synergize in meaningful ways

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